The Heavy Hand of Fear               the-moon-through-north-window-arches-national-park-utah-united-states

The lump.

A sinister grip of fear eagerly clenches its fingers around my heart. A prayer springs in waves of tremors from my lips “Mother Father God give me strength to not let fear take over. Help me to stay focused in my healing work. Help me to understand and feel gratitude for the lesson that I am to learn from this experience.”  The lump is only an illusion. I will not give it the power to become a “thing” in my life. I try my best to not think of the word cancer.  I clear my mind, and snuggle under my mother’s quilt, allowing God energy to take me over as I lie on the massage table that I use to heal my clients.

Just Breathe

Using breath work, I fill my body with a deep inhale. The golden light of the Divine percolates within me. Exhaling, I push any darkness downward and into the earth to be neutralized. Again, another inhale of golden light permeates every cell, every wave of energy. Exhaling any darkness, any blockages. I visualize a cleansing taking place within my energy field.

Positive Self Talk

The knowledge of my family’s health history, specifically my Aunt Barbara’s double mastectomy, creeps into my thoughts… More breath work… More breath work… Say the prayer again!  Think empowerment… There is no diagnosis, there is nothing written in black and white, no lab reports. No solid, definite written information. I have a strong and direct connection to God. I have the ability, the skills and the tools to beat this; to make it disappear. I visualize the area under my armpit as perfect, there is no issue. There is nothing wrong. I see the energy pattern in perfect alignment. I am a perfect child of God.

What do I Truly Need at this Moment?

My analytical brain interjects with this question: “How long will I give myself to de-materialized this issue before I give up and contact a traditional doctor?” The dark shape permeated my mind bringing with it uncountable insecurities. My heart chimed in with “I need to be held. I need to be nurtured and cuddled. I need to hold onto something or someone that feels stable; a tether or an anchor. I need someone to tell me that everything will be okay. the-moon-through-north-window-arches-national-park-utah-united-statesI need to not be in this place of fear. There is only love. THERE IS ONLY LOVE!”

A need to review my present life takes over. Suddenly I am assessing everything and every person that I interact with. I need to purge any extraneous odds and ends in my life. I look around the room for items to donate. I re-assess my friendships. I only want to be near those people who are positive and happy. I examine my diet. What needs to change?

A Laugh a Day Keeps the Lump Away

I need to laugh. I watch four episodes of “Friends” back to back and receive an infusion of  laughter which replaces the fear. I feel a need to live a future that is happy and stable and comforting. More driven than ever, I feel the intense need to leave a positive footprint on the planet. If I get the chance…

To be continued…. stay tuned for part 3 of 3