Red Sky Trees - Luna Star Van Atta - photo by Tom White - sunsetA Breast Lump Raises

Its Gnarly Head

An ominous shadow of death swooped down upon me in the shower. THE LUMP, the size of a walnut sneered at me with great mockery. Feeling all powerful with its life changing strength, THE LUMP smirked and mimicked me. I was severed from the watery bliss of my morning routine. Maybe I was mistaken! I ran my slippery hand back over the area between my left breast and my armpit; this time confirming THE LUMP location and the tenderness surrounding it.

How could this be? How could I, all of a sudden, have a sizable growth that was not there yesterday? Overcome by fear, visions of my now-deceased husband’s chemotherapy, surgery and radiation treatments flashed before me like a morbid snuff film. And his death….his death!  Am I going to die? Is this the beginning of a death sentence for me? My mind was racing. Why now? Why me? I have too much to accomplish how can I leave all of that undone?

Regrets of Poor Choices

My thoughts were invaded by regrets of poor food choice and days I talked myself out of exercising. Emotional baggage that I still had not processed; put off for all the wrong reasons slapped me in the face. No chance to turn the clock back. The effects of each bad choice made their way into an ominous physical manifestation in my body.

Suddenly feeling alone in my fear, I took the role of the observer and contemplated my new romantic relationship. Visions of one large breast offset on the other side by a large scar projected in my mind’s eye. My skin, ghostly-white from chemical overload transmitted by modern medical science, hair vacating in clumps, puking my guts out; all of that assaulted me. And then there is my new romantic partner. What new relationship could conquer the effects of THE LUMP?  Cancer and a new love interest do not resonate well.

Powerful Thoughts and Words

I called upon my faith. The shower sent streams of water shooting down my face facilitating my tears. Stay positive, don’t let this energy solidify. I knew that if I allowed myself to have “buy in”  it would be much more difficult to beat this thing that called itself THE LUMP.  I attempted to devalue it by referring to it as an “issue”. Immediately, I knew I could tell no one until I had a chance to dissolve it myself. Hearing the words spoken out loud would only solidify the energy into the physical plane.

As a Reiki Master I had worked on literally hundreds of clients, many who had a breast cancer diagnosis. I decided to book an immediate appointment with myself. I would be my own client. Drying off with my large towel, I felt a sheltering sanctuary around me fighting off the feelings of fear.

To be continued next week…….